Final Friday Night!

My trainer Catherine knows me all too well....or maybe I am just more like other habitual "lifestyle changers" (I dare not say dieters) than I think.  I got an email from her reminding me to not go crazy with my eating during this last weekend before living like a cave woman....I really am trying but..um....I have a list of foods that I want to formally say goodbye to.  I mean, they have been my support system for so long.  I feel like I can't just stop and never see them again.  It's kinda like the debate about what to do when you decide to try a different hairdresser.....do you formally break up with them or do you explain the change?  I feel like I need to explain the change.  So this evening, while I am lying in bed in my pajamas eating an ice cream cone I do feel some guilt and unease.  Guilt because I know these are just extra calories that will be added to what I already need to lose and unease because I am about to face some uncharted waters..... tonight was my official goodbye to one of my true loves...goodbye ice cream.  I will indeed miss you but it is time for me to take back my life and become healthy and strong for my children, husband, family, friends, and colleagues - all the people that depend on me.

I was at lunch today with a group of colleagues for a lingerie shower on behalf of someone soon getting married (congrats Jessica!) and I realized a few things...first of all, my colleagues are so much like me in a lot of ways.  We eat lunch together just about every day, usually in our lunch room at work.  We begin by discussing what we are eating, and then talk about what we wish we were eating, then discuss what we are having for dinner, then read through magazines and talk about recipes that sound good but we will probably never actually make.  I would say we talk about food about 80% of the time....it is amazing what a role food plays in our conversations!

Some of my colleagues are also struggling with their weight and are following new weight loss plans.  They were telling me about different rewards they have promised themselves based on weight loss goals (i.e. 10 pounds = manicure and 50 pounds = Ipad).  I think this sounds like great incentive and have decided to start working on my list:

• first 10 pounds - 1 hour of alone time...just me and my Nook so I can read uninterrupted (my husband agreed to this one)
• 20 pounds - an uninterrupted visit to Barnes and Noble....including a coffee
• first chin up without any help - new work out outfit
• 30 days on Paleo - fabulous re-evolution t-shirt mentioned in last post
• 50 pounds - vacation to the beach (Dauphin Island or Perdido Key)

I haven't yet chosen a total amount I want to lose or a goal weight.  I just want to be healthy and strong and to be able to shop in a regular store.....so I guess I will have to think of more incentives.  Tell me, what would your goals be?  What would it take for you to remain committed to this kind of lifestyle change?  Because all of us who have struggled with our weight know that there is some kind of disconnect in our minds...I just cannot quite break through it....Here is an example.  Last night I was at Abby's gymnastic and very aware about the fact that I am the fattest parent  (which made me feel like a bad mom).  I wanted to make an announcement apologizing that I have allowed myself to get as out of shape as I am and let everyone know that everything is going to change on Monday....of course I didn't make that announcement and, after gymnastics, went to ChickFilet with Abby and supersized my waffle fries.  Why do I do that?  For some reason, the embarrassment about being fat is not enough to actually get me to stop eating.  For that reason alone, I will focus on incentives.  I hope that, with Catherine's help, I will eventually be working so hard to be healthy but for now I will settle on 1 hour of reading my Nook.....

Till tomorrow, when I break up with my favorite food....garlic bread.