Days 141 & 142...aka...emotional roller coaster...aka crying in public once again

Lately, I would say that about 90% of the time I am really proud of myself and what I have accomplished during these 142 days.  Usually the WODS at Geaux Crossfit make me leave feeling strong and able to conquer the world.....

Then there are WODS like the one I did on Wednesday....they put me back in my place....they bring me down a couple notches.  They make me realize I am still very far away from my ultimate goal - to be healthy and strong.

Kona has a great gluten free menu!

I tried hard to not talk about how I was feeling....to pretend like I was still flying high....then I had dinner with my fabulous trainer and friend Catherine, the one who helped me begin this journey.  We met at Kona Grill (where it is very easy AND delicious to eat paleo...if you ask for the gluten free menu) and by the end of the night I was confessing my true feelings while crying into my napkin.  It was not pretty. 

So Wednesday's WOD was:

Shoulder Press 5-5-5 (I did 55 pounds)
ThenWOD TIME: 20:59

4 Rounds For Time:

-10 Burpees (I did 5 with no clapping)
-25 M Walking Lunge
-15 Slam Balls (I did 20 pounds)
-25 M Walking Lun7+-9ge
-20 Squats w/ Slam Ball

All this exercise = sooo tired

When I looked at it on Tuesday, I remember thinking it wouldn't be so bad.  I was so wrong.  The problem with WODs like this is that I feel like I can't do any of the exercises right because I'm too fat. I know I have lost a lot of weight and have come so far and blah blah blah...but the truth is that I cannot do a burpee or a lunge or a squat.  I feel miserable doing them and know I look like an idiot.  Lunges make my knees hurt like only people that have been (or are) fat can understand.  It was miserable..and, to top it all off, I am mad at myself because I let it get to me.  I could have done better but, by Round 2, I already felt defeated....I HATE it!  I have lost 60 pounds and am still the biggest one at the gym....UGH...

Finished our 1st mile run!

But I am, after all, on a roller coaster...soooo when I am down I have to look at the positives.  Before that workout on Weds. I fulfilled my commitment and got to Geaux Crossfit a bit early so I could run a mile BEFORE the WOD.  And then, this morning, I left the comfort of my bed bright and early to meet Kelly P for our first of (hopefully) many 1 mile runs....

Tomorrow is another WOD..hopefully the kind that makes me cry out of pride and not defeat....I know that I have pushed my body to its limits these last couple of days - I am exhausted and my muscles are killing me.  But if I don't go back tomorrow...I know I will never have the strength to conquer these WODS that are trying to break me.  I know this is insane but it almost feels like a battle...like that WOD represented me facing my fears.  And I am trying to remain focused on me actually winning the battle next time...instead of me crying (very loudly) in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

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Want to know what I'm eating?  Check out my food logs at:

http://www.geauxcrossfit.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/120/