Year 2, Days 2 - 16 aka its a battle

preparing for another
week of paleo

I haven't really been talking about it much, but I am not very motivated about my diet/eating paleo.  I have actually been feeling like I am living life as a fraud - people come up to me and tell me that my story is motivating to them...I want to stop them to tell them that I am the one that needs the motivation.  I am sick of it all...why does my relationship with food have to be so difficult?  It's been over a year and food is still such a struggle for me.  Sometime I watch the show Intervention and think that I could be on it...only my drug of choice is food.  I understand when the alcoholic talks about their first thought the moment they wake up is when they will get to have their first drink....sometimes I am not even out of bed and I am already struggling with what I will eat that day. 

eating grapefruit = no risk

When I am eating paleo I seriously feel so much better - my energy, my stomach, my workouts, even my spirit are all better.  But that is not always enough motivation.  Sometimes I just don't want to care or have to think about it anymore....I think this is really when the addiction comes in.  I like to think I would never do anything that I know would seriously harm myself.  I have never lived my life as a big risk taker - skydiving?  not interested.  Bungee jumping? nope.  What about swimming with sharks?  Not a chance.  But poisoning myself by eating foods that will not only cause me eventual harm - diabetes, cholesterol issues but will also just generally make me feel like shit after I eat them...that is something I could do...even something I sometimes want to do.  I am actually scared to go into a drug store right now because I know Easter candy is going to be on sale.  I don't think I could walk by and not buy some. I feel a bit pathetic that I don't have that will power... Thank God they have pharmacy drive thrus!

Driving by Walgreens...

I cannot stress enough how big of a role Geaux Crossfit plays into my success in my quest to become healthy.   This morning Amber (once again) gave me some advice and words of encouragement that I think will help me through this most recent struggle.  She told me that no one is meant to live their life on a 30 day challenge..which is what I have been doing recently.  I need to find my healthy eating balance and work with that.  I know it sounds so simple but they are the words I needed to hear.  Sometimes I can get so bogged down with the guilt of feeling like a fraud that it makes me want to stop fighting for my health.



Friday night p-a-r-t-y ! !

 For the first time in a very long time, I went out on Friday night (without the kids!!) and took a deep breath  and relaxed.  It took some major coaxing from Amber but I did it.  Spending time with the Geaux Crossfit family outside of the gym seems to be almost as important of spending it in the gym.   I would consider most of them acquaintances at best..but I have to say they are an amazing support system.  I hope that anyone who decides to get healthy can find a group of people as kind and supporting to lift you up when you need it and to celebrate your victories.  I am so incredibly thankful!

Days 349 - 367 aka Chapter 2

I have been avoiding writing about reaching my 1 year milestone....how can I  reflect on a year that has been as transforming as the last 365 days?  How can I possibly thank the people that have helped me on my journey? 

I cannot believe that an entire year has passed since I walked through the doors of Geaux Crossfit.  I really am a different person - both physically and mentally.  I mean, I look at the photos of me from before day 1 compared to now, and I cannot believe it is me!  I was so unhappy....with no energy, feeling uncomfortable all the time.  I try to hard to just focus on the present and the future and not get upset  for evening allowing myself to get to that point of unhealthiness..ugh.

 (R) Photo of me at the 2011 St. Patty's Day Parade and (L) 2012 St. Patty's Day Parade

I know that my journey is far from over...I am just beginning another 30 day paleo challenge because my eating was getting a little too lenient..and I have stopped weighing myself until May 1 when the challenge is over.  But now, I am trying to focus less on losing weight and more on being strong and healthy.

Amber and I are ready to race!!

2 weeks ago I ran a 5K!  It was harder than I thought and I probably wouldn't have finished if it wasn't for the girls that ran with me - my FABULOUS trainer Amber (I have a tear in my eye thinking about how important you are to my success...but more on that later, my running buddy Candace (who gets up for the 5am class even though she could go to a later one... ) and Ali (a fellow geaux crossfitter who kept pace with me even though she could probably have done it in half the time).  I am so lucky to have been surrounded by these fabulous women during my first run!
The experience was amazing....I still cannot believe that I did it - and in my fastest time ever - 3.22 miles in 35:48!! It was just another one of those moments when I thought that maybe I really could end up being an athlete.  Before this year, I never thought that was possible.  Dieting was always about losing weight and never about getting strong.  Now, I want to be strong. 

So, my eating has not been great so I am glad to refocus and concentrate on the next 30 days.  I still have to take it one month at a time.  And it seems that every time I don't think I can do it anymore...someone else in my life decides they want to try it out.  So, to support them, I do the 30 day challenge at the same time.  On Monday, Kelly P. and I will be supporting our colleague Kristin as she begins her first 30 day challenge.  Her excitement for it has reignited my passion for all things paleo.  I cannot wait to be part of her journey!  It also helps that she is an excellent cook who will be sharing her recipes with me.  I hope she feels as good as I do when I am eating paleo!

I am just beginning the transition to going to Geaux Crossfit 5 times a week (if my body will allow...after today's WOD I can barely walk).  I am so thankful that my husband and parents have been totally accommodating to support me so I can find the time to go!  I am nervous and excited about it....a year ago I could barely stand two days a week...then I went to three days a week.  And now, after a year of going to Geaux Crossfit, I cannot believe I am ready for 5 days a week!!  It is unbelievable to me!

There is no way I could write my official "1 year" post without again expressing my thanks to my trainer Amber.  Out of everyone on this journey with me, she is the one that truly knows my struggles. Just last night she got me through a mental breakdown I had regarding squats.  While it is very exciting to be doing crossfit for a year, it can be extremely aggravating to not be able to do something like a squat (or a push up or a pull up...or..just about any of the exercises!!).  I have been trying and practicing and trying again but a full squat with correct form is very difficult for me.  I know that, if it was not for Amber, I would have given up a long time ago. I just hope that everyone who decides to take a similar journey can find someone like Amber to be their support, their cheerleader, and the person that pushes them to their limits everyday.
So, Year 2 - I am ready to for you.  In a year from now, I will be posting pictures from March 2012 to compare to the even stronger Bethany of 2013.

Days 335 - 348 aka Oh What a Cheat

I love the Londoner

This weekend was my biggest cheat weekend to date and by the end of it I felt horrible.  I thought for a long time about what I wanted for my cheat meal and ending up choosing a meal at my favorite restaurant in Baton Rouge, the Londoner.  I have eaten at the Londoner numerous times and stayed Paleo.  In fact, when I started out eating Paleo/gluten free one of the first things I did was email the Londoner to find out what my options were.  The manager emailed back with information about the entire menu - it was so great! 

My favorite meal

CUPCAKE!

But, for this meal, I was not looking to go Paleo.  I started with a cup of the clam chowder that was on special and was pleasantly surprised to be served some delicious cheese toast to go with it.  Then I had their shepherd's pie.  I really think it is my favorite food.  It is SOOOOO good!  After that, I headed upstairs to the cupcake shop and got a peanut butter cup cupcake!  I planned to take a photo of it but ate it before I had a chance.  Do I regret my eating choices?  Nope...I am proud that I could have a weekend like this and then refocus on Monday.  It once again makes me feel like Paleo is a lifestyle and is a sustainable way to eat.

By Monday I was feeling like crap.  I was tired and moody (<---my husband will back me up on this one), had an awful headache and just felt nasty.

Thank goodness my cousin Molly has decided to give Paleo a try (YOU CAN DO IT MOLLY!!) so, to support her, I started a strict 30 day challenge on Monday.  The difference in the way I feel is really unbelievable.  I sucked ass during the WOD on Monday...I just wasn't feeling it.  But today was 100% better.  I cannot believe I lived my life not even thinking about (or at least ignoring) the connection between how I feel and what I eat.

Prepared to eat Paleo for the week!

I am very close to making a huge decision..I cannot even believe I am thinking about this because I never thought it was a possibility.  I might try to do Geaux Crossfit 5 days a week!  When I started, I could barely do two days a week and I have been doing 3 days a week for awhile now.  I have been trying to do Planet Fitness on my off days (T/TH) but I am just not feeling it like I do Geaux Crossfit.  It is so hard to push yourself to your limits when you are on a treadmill or other machine...and it is so hard not be get bored..blah...  As soon as it hits 4pm, I start looking to see if the next day's WOD is posted (even on the days I am not going).  The day before a Geaux Crossfit Day (my running buddy) Candace and I usually text back and forth about the next day's WOD.  I just don't feel that excitement with Planet Fitness.  So, I might just upgrade my membership at Geaux Crossfit to full-time status!

This is what eating
right looks like!

My first 5K is on Saturday.  I cannot believe it is so close.  I am nervous and excited..I haven't been running as much as I was for awhile so I am afraid I won't be able to finish it.  I think that, at this point, I am going to need to cross my fingers and hope for the best.  I am so thankful to have so many people from Geaux Crossfit planning to be there to cheer me on.  If I had tried to do this on my own, I can GUARANTEE that I would not show up on Saturday.  But I will be there with my Geaux Crossfit family...running a race that I never thought I would be able to run.  Before now, I have always dieted to be skinny.  I honestly never thought that being strong was an option.  Today, I am feeling strong.

Days 314 - 335 aka Who Am I?

I am so happy to be just about done with my 30 day Paleo challenge.  Not that I plan to have an all out carb buffet on March 2 but I will be enjoying some hummus and maybe even a splash of sour cream on my taco salad once in awhile...

I have made a decision that is going to change my day to day actions pretty drastically.  I have an addiction that I need to cure....the scale.  For the last 314 days, there have been very few days that have gone by where I didn't weigh myself at least once (often 2 or 3 times) and I need to stop.  I am aggravated because my weight loss has somewhat stalled and I really don't think it is healthy for me to be reminded of that everyday.  I catch myself getting upset and wanting to say f*ck it and eat some chocolate.  and french fries. and ice cream.......My focus is being the healthiest version of myself as possible both mentally and physically.  I cannot put myself through it anymore.  So, I will try really, really hard to not weigh myself again for 30 days - until I reach my one year milestone.



Besides trying to overcome my abuse of the scale, I have recently become a different person in another way.  I cannot believe I am even saying (or writing) this out loud...I have....have....joined....a....second...gym!!  Holy crap!!  Two gyms?  I never thought I would stick with one gym for a year..... Now, I love Geaux Crossfit and still plan to keep going every M-W-F but I have been thinking about stepping up my cardio for awhile.  I have been running outside a couple times a week but I know that, as it gets warmer, I am no longer going to be able to convince myself to get out of bed while everyone else in my family is asleep in the air conditioned house.  Sooo...I have been thinking about all this and couldn't figure out what to do...until a Planet Fitness opened up less than a mile from my house!  It's only $10 a month and open 24 hours a day!  So my friend Kelly P. and I will be going on my Geaux Crossfit off days!  Planet Fitness is a beautiful facility and everything but there are some weird things that I am having a hard time keeping quiet about.  Okay...so when you walk in, there are big bowls of tootsie rolls at the front desk!  AND there are signs up all over that say "as a thank you to our member the first Monday of the month is pizza night and the second Tuesday of the month is bagel morning!"  Seriously???  So basically, they are promoting people to come in, burn some calories and then put them back on again?  On the Planet Fitness website, I found this quote:

HUH??

"That's more than 1.4 million slices of pizza a year. • We hand out more than a million Tootsie Rolls every month"



And that is something to be proud of?  I am really and truly flabbergasted.  Why don't they offer free nutrition seminars once a month or some sort of Biggest Loser challenge or something...anything...other than free pizza, bagels and candy???



So I guess the moral of my story is that Planet Fitness is a GREAT deal...the machines are awesome...the hours are perfect..etc... but it is only good IF you have some will power.  Luckily, for me, I don't really like tootsie rolls.  Now if the bowls were full of peanut butter cups then I would be totally screwed.  I go in the mornings so I don't have to worry about pizza.  Bagels will be my only temptation.  We will see how it goes on Tuesday!  I hope they are tucked away in some corner and not out in the open for me to see while I am struggling through 30 minutes on the elliptical.  Thank God my Geaux Crossfit family will be waiting for me on Wednesday morning to ask if I gave in to temptation...that will make it easier to say no.

Filming with Rick Portier of WAFB!!

I have to thank Rick Portier at WAFB for taking the time to do a story on my weight loss journey.  There is no better inspiration for sticking to it (especially at restaurants... then knowing that someone might be have seen me on t.v and be watching to see what I am eating...haha..  It was

such a fun and awesome experience!!!  <3





Days 307 - 313 aka PALEO CHALLENGE!!!

 Today is the first day of Geaux Crossfit's 30 day paleo challenge and I am feeling pumped.  These challenges always seem to come just in time...before I fall way off the eating healthy bandwagon.

Is this how cavemen cleaned
their hard boiled eggs??



Of course, Day 1 began with a breakfast meeting at Starbucks.  Between going to Geaux Crossfit in the morning and dropping off Abby at school, I knew I would show up for the meeting starving...which would either cause me to eat something non-paleo or make me very, very grumpy.  So I did what anyone would do..peeled an egg while driving and washed it off in the rain while I was at a red light....it did the trick!  I managed to get through the meeting only consuming a hot, unsweetened tea.  Coffee is going to be the hardest thing for me during these 30 days.  I try and try but just cannot choke it down without some half and half and maybe a bit of splenda...it's only Day 1 and I am already missing my morning coffee...



Back at Geaux Crossfit! 



This is week 2 of being back to Geaux Crossfit after almost a month off and I am loving it.....it's been rough (as in my body kinda feels like I got hit by a car) but I look forward to it so very much...even though some of the WODS are making me feel very aggravated.



 Seriously, it has been almost a year and I still cannot do a squat without looking like an idiot??? It makes me want to scream!! I am just not strong enough to do one without leaning forward....I wish I had counted from day 1 how many squats I've done.  The number would be really high...but not one of them is the correct form...AHHH!!! 

And to make it even more annoying, I just watched the Biggest Loser and Bob had his team to "Fran" which is the same exact WOD I did today...they just started and most of them already have better form then me...damn thrusters!!

I have decided to add planks to my workout regime - I am hoping this will help me strengthen my core so I can actually do a squat. I HATE them!!  HATE THEM!!!

fruit garnish for dinner??

Last week I attended the SMartie (social media) awards.  My blog had multiple nominations and I am very thankful!  The food at the event, though, was sooo bad - macaroni and cheese, jambalaya, fried boudin balls, meat pies, spinach artichoke dip, etc....other than some fruit and veggie garnish there was not much I could eat....seriously, I was nominated for an award because of my blog about my weight struggles and the reward for this nomination was a table full of delicious unhealthy food!!  My fellow Geaux Crossfitter Melody was right when she suggested that anyone with a weight problem stay away from buffets...it can be tough! (check out Melody's blog about fitness/her weight loss story here).

Sooo..Day 1 is almost done!!  Can't wait to see wait Day 2 will bring!!!

Days 285 - 307 aka back to the grind

Finally.  I am finally back into the routine.  Because of my toothpick incident and then a sinus infection, I took nearly a month off from Geaux Crossfit.  And I am amazed about how much my eating slipped as each day passed.  If anything, this break has proven that one of the most important pieces to my getting healthy puzzle is Geaux Crossfit.  I cannot do it alone....I was (barely) able to maintain my weight during my hiatus and know that I was able to start back just in time.  My Geaux Crossfit family welcomed me back with open arms and I am so very, very thankful for it.  I am positive this would have been the end of my getting healthy journey without them.

I can barely walk because my body aches from running (over 2 miles today..thanks to the encouragement of my running buddy Candace!) and the WOD on Monday and Wednesday and I am LOVING it! 

hmmm..king cake or chicken kale paleo soup..
(I chose the soup)

But seriously.....I cannot get over how often I think about food.  It is such an addiction and a mental struggle....by the end of my crossfit break, I was able to rationalize eating some pretty unhealthy food.  I spent so much time thinking that I "deserve" a little treat.  I know that I should be saying I deserve to be healthy and that should be my focus but I am not going to lie and say there is no struggle.  It is an uphill battle. Every single day.  Sometimes I feel like I have to fight my urge to eat unhealthy constantly.  There is always donuts or another goodie in the staff kitchen (not to mention it is King Cake season) brought in by a very generous colleague with the best intentions, or I am running late and want to just go through a drive thru (thank God for Jimmy Johns unwich), or there is no reason.  I just want to eat something delicous and chocolate. 

I am very thankful that Geaux Crossfit is starting a strict 30-day paleo challenge on February 1.  I need it.  I like the idea of committing to 30 days of healthy, clean eating (as opposed to an entire lifetime which can be a bit daunting) and love the support of the many other people doing it.  This is going to be the most strict I have been - we are following the Whole 30 challenge.  Between that and the fact that I am going to run in my first official 5k in 45 days (check out my page), I think I have the motivation I need to lose the 15 pounds I need to reach 100 pounds lost!!  And if that's not enough, I can always count on my fabulous trainer Amber to keep me focused.....

So tomorrow's a new day.  Full of food battles.....and I just have to wake up every day promising myself to fight the good fight and hope I win!

Days 266 - 284 aka outta commission aka time to face the new years resolution

I knew the holidays were going to be hard and I felt like I had really prepared for them mentally.  But my struggle seems to be with the unexpected.  I am not proud of my eating during the last week or so...in fact, I am pretty disgusted.

Poor, sick Abby

I started this holiday break really strongly.  On Friday, December 23 I got up early and, with Kelly Ps support, I ran a 5k..which is about 9 times around the path of the park in my subdivision.  I have such a love/hate relationship with running....I seem to be leaning more towards love lately...

For Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I was pretty proud of my eating.  Aside from some delicious chocolate I stuck to some not so bad eating.  Then my four year old, Abigail got sick - fever, cough, congestion.  It has resulted in about a week of very little sleep for me.  Poor Abigail is up every hour or so and has been suffering from some major nose bleeds.  I am either up with her helping her through a coughing spell or I am up checking to make sure she is okay....It's totally not rational....and a lot of my fear for her health during the night is a result of me watching too much Breaking Bad....I am so afraid Abigail will have a bad reaction to the cough medicine she has been prescribed....

Toothpick Injury

So, I am overtired and already struggling with what I am eating. My fridge is full of not so healthy holiday leftovers that I cannot seem to make myself throw away.... then, when I think that I have it all under control, I get an injury that has kept me from exercising.  Somehow, I managed to get a toothpick stuck in my foot so bad, it required a trip to the emergency room where a doctor had to dig it out with a scalpel and then stitch the whole thing up.  I can't even put a shoe on....

not so Happy New Year!!

From my experience I know that my cleanest eating days are on the same day that I go to Geaux Crossfit.  If I thought my eating was bad before...this lack of sleep, stress from a sick child, and injured foot sent me in a downward spiral that I have not experienced since I began this journey 284 days ago.  Feeling tired and depressed is not the equation to living a healthy lifestyle.

Thank God for my family though.  They know just what I need to get refocused - some competition.  My brother, sister in law, mother, father, husband and I started a weight loss challenge today until Valentines Day....the person that loses the most weight gets some cash and bragging rights....I am such a competitive person.....I will do what it takes to win.  Or, at least, not come in last.  I will stay off my foot like the doctor has recommended until I can exercise again.  But starting today, I will return to the Paleo diet in full force. 



80 pounds lost - finally remembered to share photo!

 2012 did not begin the way I had hoped....there were no fireworks or resolutions.....I rang in the new year with my foot bandaged, holding my sick daughter and feeling sorry for myself.  I think I deserve a do over.  It is time to evaluate my life and choose some resolutions:

1. Eating  goals - I will work to put an end to my emotional eating.  If I am eating something that I am ashamed of or don't want anyone to know about, I will put it down and walk away.  I will eat clean, healthy goals and take the time to make sure I'm prepared.

2. Exercise goals - by the end of this year, I will be able to do 10 girl push ups, run a 5k in less than 30 minutes, do squats in perfect form - back, front, overhead, all of them. Just one pull up would make me so happy.....so I will continue to go down in bands until I no longer need them.

3. Mental goals - I will try really hard to celebrate my accomplishments and not just focus on the next goal. 

4. Weight loss goals - I will continue to lose weight so that, by the end of 2012 I will have lost a total of 131 pounds....I am at about 80 now so that's a little over 50 to lose in 2012!