Saturday, December 29, 2012

Day 1 of Birthday Challenge...My 100th Post

I just haven't been feeling
myself lately....
Well, I had a little fall from my crossfit and paleo lifestyle and I have all the excuses..... started a new job (which I love), sick family members (everyone is fine now), on vacation/travel (not really a good excuse...just didn't prepare they way I should) and now I know it is time to refocus.

Food really is the ultimate battle for me.  I've done a lot of research on food addiction (which I think runs pretty fiercely in my family) and my go to medical expert (web md) says this:

    "Like addictive drugs, highly palatable foods trigger feel-good brain chemicals such as dopamine. Once people experience pleasure associated with increased dopamine transmission in the brain's reward pathway from eating certain foods, they quickly feel the need to eat again.The reward signals from highly palatable foods may override other signals of fullness and satisfaction. As a result, people keep eating, even when they're not hungry."

I cannot imagine how difficult other addictions must be to conquer and I am awed by anyone that can do it successfully..but for me food is my ongoing battle.  I love it so much that I can actually almost rationalize eating anything I want - its a special occasion, I deserve it, it will be my one cheat this week, I've been stressed, blah blah blah.  And seriously, those stupid excuses can somehow outweigh all the negatives of eating unhealthy food - you will feel sick, your clothes won't fit, you won't be able to keep up with your kids, you will feel tired, you will have diabetes, heart disease, your life expectancy will be reduced.   So, when you read those two lists what should win the internal debate??  It's a special occasion so I can have a piece of cake or if I continue to eat this way I will die young.  How can it be so difficult?

I really don't know how....but it is.  everyday it is a fight.  And it is plays a part in even a more horrible cycle - you eat bad, it makes you tired, you skip the gym here and there.  Then you gain more weight and you are embarrassed to go to the gym so you don't and then you gain more weight, and so on and so on....
My trainer Amber - how is that
for inspiration?
But I won't do it again. I can't. I am so incredibly lucky to have my support system at Geaux Crossfit.  When I finally confessed to my amazing trainer and friend Amber she did not act disappointed (although I do think she has every right to be).  Instead she came up with a plan about what "we" need to do over the next couple months....she is willing to continue the journey with me.

So, I am done feeling sorry for myself and ready for action.  I have come up with a goal that I am determined to stick with - starting January 1 2013.  I will lose 36 pounds by my birthday on June 2 (when I turn 36 in case you couldn't figure that out.....).  That gives me 152 days to reach my goal.  And, yes, I have about a million reasons why I won't be successful.... Abby's birthday (twenty 5 years olds in the same room...and cake), Valentine's Day (chocolate), Mardi Gras (King Cake..which will be a hard one - I admit!!), Superbowl (wings, dips, etc...), Groundhog Day (which happens to be my mom's birthday...cake), My dad's birthday (more cake), Luke's birthday (cake), St. Patrick's Day (beer), Easter (delicious dinner/dessert and more chocolate), my wedding anniversary (Port of Call in NOLA would have been my choice.....) Cinco De Mayo (queso), Mother's Day (The Londoner shepherds pie), Memorial Day (bbq), countless conferences, travel, meals out, stressful days, unexpected events, overtired and unprepared days, temptations........ least it will save
my world....
My point is not to convince myself that I won't be successful.  My point is that there is always an excuse...a reason why I should sleep in and not go to the gym.  Or a reason why it is "okay" to eat something that is not good for me.  I am done with this inner battle.  Enough is enough.

So I will start on January 1 by joining a group of guys and gals from Geaux Crossfit to do a 30 day strict paleo challenge.  Then, I will decide what my next move will be in order to reach my 30 day plan at a time.

And, yes.  I will blog.  At least once a week.  It seems that the minute I stop writing about my struggles is the minute I succumb to them.

152 days to go...........

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Year 2, Days 75 - 129 aka When the Going Gets Tough...

When I describe the WODS (workout of the day) I do at Geaux Crossfit people usually tell me that they sound horrible...or too hard....or no fun.  Well, over the last few weeks I have learned what it is even harder to be at Geaux Crossfit sit them out.  I have a knee injury and have had to sit out a bunch ofWODs over the last two weeks.  I am not going to lie....when everyone in the 5:00am class was doing one of my favorites - Fight Gone Bad - I seriously almost lost it.  I had to sit in the bathroom and get it together so I wouldn't start crying (I may have even shed a tear or two).  I am trying so hard not to lose my focus but it really is pretty miserable.  Physical therapy is a sslllloooowwww process.

I didn't go to Geaux Crossfit for about a week because of travel and other commitments.  The night before I went back I was laying in bed thinking about the next morning...I was thinking about my past and how I have always been a yo-yo dieter and exerciser...I was kind of feeling afraid that this might be the end to my Crossfit/Paleo journey.

Thank goodness for my 5:00am buddies at the gym - Murph posted on Facebook mentioning he hadn't seen me in awhile and Candace and Kim texted me to make sure I would be there.  So, with a bit of hesitation, I went back yesterday.  As soon as I walked through the doors I realized how much I missed it!  I cannot believe I even questioned my relationship with Geaux Crossfit for a minute.  I would have missed out on so much if I didn't go back.  So I did a modified version of the WOD.  And kinda did suck that I couldn't do what everyone else was doing (who would ever have thought that I would be envious of people doing squats...).  But I knew that Amber would only let me do what my body could handle and that the 5:00am class would all support me through it. 

And in two weeks I have a new motivation to keep me going - my dear friend Kelly P. has decided to give Geaux Crossfit a shot.  I am so excited for her!  And, I must admit, I am nervous.  I want her to love it there as much as I do.  I want it to be a life changer for her too.  She has stuck with me and been a great support during this journey.  I wouldn't have made it through my first 30 day paleo challenge if she hadn't been doing it right along with me.  I can only hope that I can support her through her first 30 days at Geaux Crossfit!

Here's a photo of me and some of the 5 a.m. crew.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Year 2, Days 17 - 74

Me after Conquering Baseline!

Me after Day 1 Baseline
 Ahhh can be such an emotional roller coaster.  Last week I caught myself grinning like an idiot because, for the first time ever, I completed baseline, the first workout you do when you start Crossfit.  I had a fear of baseline and managed to avoid it for over a year.  On the day I joined Geaux Crossfit I can remember feeling so embarrassed for not being able to do pretty much any of the workout..even a modified version.  The thing is, at that time I had only experienced typical gyms where you are pretty much working out with strangers....I didn't know that the people watching me struggle through that first baseline would end up becoming my support system.  I had no idea I would end up cherishing each and every one of their friendships and thank God on a daily basis for bringing them into my life at just the right time.

After that first day I literally could not walk for days.  I had to pee standing up for about a week because I couldn't go from sitting to standing without someone helping me I had nothing but bad feelings for baseline.  When someone mentioned it, my heart would start to pound and I would feel a little sick to my stomach.  When I saw that it was the WOD for the next day I pretty much had a meltdown followed by a frenzy of panicked texts to Amber, the best trainer a girl could ask for.  She calmed me down and got me ready for baseline.  But then, because of a sleepless night due to a sick kid, I had to miss it.  And I was really depressed about it.  Amber finally helped me gain the confidence to face my fear of baseline and I couldn't do it.  So when I showed up the next day, Amber told me that I was doing baseline even though everyone else was doing something else.  I almost panicked and ran out of the gym screaming but Candace, my Crossfit buddy and amazing friend, volunteered to do it with me.  And yes, my push ups and pull ups are still modified and my squats still kinda suck.  But I did it in 6:05 minutes!!  I almost started crying like a baby...I was so relieved. 

Speaking of crying and crossfit being an emotional roller was one of those days where I wanted to cry out of frustration.... I hate that, after over a year of crossfit I still have these days where I feel inadequate.  We started the day with planks - and I keep trying to remind myself about how much I have improved.  When I started, I couldn't do them at all.  But it seems like everyone else is doing their 1-minute planks gracefully and without a problem while I am shaking and sweating and struggling....then we worked on our handstands and I really, really wanted to try but couldn't work up the nerve to do it in front of everyone.  I have NEVER done a handstand in my life...and I would be so afraid that my shirt would fall down and my stomach would show and that is just so far away from my comfort zone.....So I just stood there like an idiot while everyone else did it.....

Then the WOD was 100 burpees for time...I still cannot do a burpee with correct form so I do a modified version..which makes me totally self conscious and then of course I was last so all eyes were on me while I finished.  Thankfully Candace and Kim stayed with me and supported me until the end but it still sucked.  I had to go sit in front of the fan and concentrate on not crying for a few minutes.....

Ugh....not a great way to start a day...but I did it.  And hopefully I am even just a tiny bit closer to being strong enough to do planks for a longer amount of time and to do a regular burpee....and I spent my car ride to work trying to decide where in my house would be the best place to practice handstands...without Crossfit I can guarantee that I would NEVER have been thinking about that....haha

I am thankful that there are certainly more good days then bad for me at Geaux Crossfit...and it really has changed my life.  For my birthday I got a bike from my parents so I can ride around the neighborhood with Abby.  Going on our first bike ride was AMAZING.....I think riding a bike with her is pretty much the best feeling in the world.  A little over a year ago I don't think I would have been able to do it.  So I guess I will suck it up and hope that tomorrow's WOD makes me feel strong and confident.
Bike Ride Time!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Year 2, Days 2 - 16 aka its a battle

preparing for another
week of paleo
I haven't really been talking about it much, but I am not very motivated about my diet/eating paleo.  I have actually been feeling like I am living life as a fraud - people come up to me and tell me that my story is motivating to them...I want to stop them to tell them that I am the one that needs the motivation.  I am sick of it all...why does my relationship with food have to be so difficult?  It's been over a year and food is still such a struggle for me.  Sometime I watch the show Intervention and think that I could be on it...only my drug of choice is food.  I understand when the alcoholic talks about their first thought the moment they wake up is when they will get to have their first drink....sometimes I am not even out of bed and I am already struggling with what I will eat that day. 

eating grapefruit = no risk
When I am eating paleo I seriously feel so much better - my energy, my stomach, my workouts, even my spirit are all better.  But that is not always enough motivation.  Sometimes I just don't want to care or have to think about it anymore....I think this is really when the addiction comes in.  I like to think I would never do anything that I know would seriously harm myself.  I have never lived my life as a big risk taker - skydiving?  not interested.  Bungee jumping? nope.  What about swimming with sharks?  Not a chance.  But poisoning myself by eating foods that will not only cause me eventual harm - diabetes, cholesterol issues but will also just generally make me feel like shit after I eat them...that is something I could do...even something I sometimes want to do.  I am actually scared to go into a drug store right now because I know Easter candy is going to be on sale.  I don't think I could walk by and not buy some. I feel a bit pathetic that I don't have that will power... Thank God they have pharmacy drive thrus!

Driving by Walgreens...
I cannot stress enough how big of a role Geaux Crossfit plays into my success in my quest to become healthy.   This morning Amber (once again) gave me some advice and words of encouragement that I think will help me through this most recent struggle.  She told me that no one is meant to live their life on a 30 day challenge..which is what I have been doing recently.  I need to find my healthy eating balance and work with that.  I know it sounds so simple but they are the words I needed to hear.  Sometimes I can get so bogged down with the guilt of feeling like a fraud that it makes me want to stop fighting for my health.

Friday night p-a-r-t-y ! !
 For the first time in a very long time, I went out on Friday night (without the kids!!) and took a deep breath  and relaxed.  It took some major coaxing from Amber but I did it.  Spending time with the Geaux Crossfit family outside of the gym seems to be almost as important of spending it in the gym.   I would consider most of them acquaintances at best..but I have to say they are an amazing support system.  I hope that anyone who decides to get healthy can find a group of people as kind and supporting to lift you up when you need it and to celebrate your victories.  I am so incredibly thankful!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Days 349 - 367 aka Chapter 2

I have been avoiding writing about reaching my 1 year can I  reflect on a year that has been as transforming as the last 365 days?  How can I possibly thank the people that have helped me on my journey? 

I cannot believe that an entire year has passed since I walked through the doors of Geaux Crossfit.  I really am a different person - both physically and mentally.  I mean, I look at the photos of me from before day 1 compared to now, and I cannot believe it is me!  I was so unhappy....with no energy, feeling uncomfortable all the time.  I try to hard to just focus on the present and the future and not get upset  for evening allowing myself to get to that point of unhealthiness..ugh.
 (R) Photo of me at the 2011 St. Patty's Day Parade and (L) 2012 St. Patty's Day Parade

I know that my journey is far from over...I am just beginning another 30 day paleo challenge because my eating was getting a little too lenient..and I have stopped weighing myself until May 1 when the challenge is over.  But now, I am trying to focus less on losing weight and more on being strong and healthy.

Amber and I are ready to race!!
2 weeks ago I ran a 5K!  It was harder than I thought and I probably wouldn't have finished if it wasn't for the girls that ran with me - my FABULOUS trainer Amber (I have a tear in my eye thinking about how important you are to my success...but more on that later, my running buddy Candace (who gets up for the 5am class even though she could go to a later one... ) and Ali (a fellow geaux crossfitter who kept pace with me even though she could probably have done it in half the time).  I am so lucky to have been surrounded by these fabulous women during my first run!
The experience was amazing....I still cannot believe that I did it - and in my fastest time ever - 3.22 miles in 35:48!! It was just another one of those moments when I thought that maybe I really could end up being an athlete.  Before this year, I never thought that was possible.  Dieting was always about losing weight and never about getting strong.  Now, I want to be strong. 

So, my eating has not been great so I am glad to refocus and concentrate on the next 30 days.  I still have to take it one month at a time.  And it seems that every time I don't think I can do it anymore...someone else in my life decides they want to try it out.  So, to support them, I do the 30 day challenge at the same time.  On Monday, Kelly P. and I will be supporting our colleague Kristin as she begins her first 30 day challenge.  Her excitement for it has reignited my passion for all things paleo.  I cannot wait to be part of her journey!  It also helps that she is an excellent cook who will be sharing her recipes with me.  I hope she feels as good as I do when I am eating paleo!

I am just beginning the transition to going to Geaux Crossfit 5 times a week (if my body will allow...after today's WOD I can barely walk).  I am so thankful that my husband and parents have been totally accommodating to support me so I can find the time to go!  I am nervous and excited about it....a year ago I could barely stand two days a week...then I went to three days a week.  And now, after a year of going to Geaux Crossfit, I cannot believe I am ready for 5 days a week!!  It is unbelievable to me!

There is no way I could write my official "1 year" post without again expressing my thanks to my trainer Amber.  Out of everyone on this journey with me, she is the one that truly knows my struggles. Just last night she got me through a mental breakdown I had regarding squats.  While it is very exciting to be doing crossfit for a year, it can be extremely aggravating to not be able to do something like a squat (or a push up or a pull up...or..just about any of the exercises!!).  I have been trying and practicing and trying again but a full squat with correct form is very difficult for me.  I know that, if it was not for Amber, I would have given up a long time ago. I just hope that everyone who decides to take a similar journey can find someone like Amber to be their support, their cheerleader, and the person that pushes them to their limits everyday.
So, Year 2 - I am ready to for you.  In a year from now, I will be posting pictures from March 2012 to compare to the even stronger Bethany of 2013.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Days 335 - 348 aka Oh What a Cheat

I love the Londoner
This weekend was my biggest cheat weekend to date and by the end of it I felt horrible.  I thought for a long time about what I wanted for my cheat meal and ending up choosing a meal at my favorite restaurant in Baton Rouge, the Londoner.  I have eaten at the Londoner numerous times and stayed Paleo.  In fact, when I started out eating Paleo/gluten free one of the first things I did was email the Londoner to find out what my options were.  The manager emailed back with information about the entire menu - it was so great! 

My favorite meal
But, for this meal, I was not looking to go Paleo.  I started with a cup of the clam chowder that was on special and was pleasantly surprised to be served some delicious cheese toast to go with it.  Then I had their shepherd's pie.  I really think it is my favorite food.  It is SOOOOO good!  After that, I headed upstairs to the cupcake shop and got a peanut butter cup cupcake!  I planned to take a photo of it but ate it before I had a chance.  Do I regret my eating choices?  Nope...I am proud that I could have a weekend like this and then refocus on Monday.  It once again makes me feel like Paleo is a lifestyle and is a sustainable way to eat.

By Monday I was feeling like crap.  I was tired and moody (<---my husband will back me up on this one), had an awful headache and just felt nasty.

Thank goodness my cousin Molly has decided to give Paleo a try (YOU CAN DO IT MOLLY!!) so, to support her, I started a strict 30 day challenge on Monday.  The difference in the way I feel is really unbelievable.  I sucked ass during the WOD on Monday...I just wasn't feeling it.  But today was 100% better.  I cannot believe I lived my life not even thinking about (or at least ignoring) the connection between how I feel and what I eat.

Prepared to eat Paleo for the week!
I am very close to making a huge decision..I cannot even believe I am thinking about this because I never thought it was a possibility.  I might try to do Geaux Crossfit 5 days a week!  When I started, I could barely do two days a week and I have been doing 3 days a week for awhile now.  I have been trying to do Planet Fitness on my off days (T/TH) but I am just not feeling it like I do Geaux Crossfit.  It is so hard to push yourself to your limits when you are on a treadmill or other machine...and it is so hard not be get bored..blah...  As soon as it hits 4pm, I start looking to see if the next day's WOD is posted (even on the days I am not going).  The day before a Geaux Crossfit Day (my running buddy) Candace and I usually text back and forth about the next day's WOD.  I just don't feel that excitement with Planet Fitness.  So, I might just upgrade my membership at Geaux Crossfit to full-time status!

This is what eating
right looks like!
My first 5K is on Saturday.  I cannot believe it is so close.  I am nervous and excited..I haven't been running as much as I was for awhile so I am afraid I won't be able to finish it.  I think that, at this point, I am going to need to cross my fingers and hope for the best.  I am so thankful to have so many people from Geaux Crossfit planning to be there to cheer me on.  If I had tried to do this on my own, I can GUARANTEE that I would not show up on Saturday.  But I will be there with my Geaux Crossfit family...running a race that I never thought I would be able to run.  Before now, I have always dieted to be skinny.  I honestly never thought that being strong was an option.  Today, I am feeling strong.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Days 314 - 335 aka Who Am I?

I am so happy to be just about done with my 30 day Paleo challenge.  Not that I plan to have an all out carb buffet on March 2 but I will be enjoying some hummus and maybe even a splash of sour cream on my taco salad once in awhile...

I have made a decision that is going to change my day to day actions pretty drastically.  I have an addiction that I need to cure....the scale.  For the last 314 days, there have been very few days that have gone by where I didn't weigh myself at least once (often 2 or 3 times) and I need to stop.  I am aggravated because my weight loss has somewhat stalled and I really don't think it is healthy for me to be reminded of that everyday.  I catch myself getting upset and wanting to say f*ck it and eat some chocolate.  and french fries. and ice cream.......My focus is being the healthiest version of myself as possible both mentally and physically.  I cannot put myself through it anymore.  So, I will try really, really hard to not weigh myself again for 30 days - until I reach my one year milestone.

Besides trying to overcome my abuse of the scale, I have recently become a different person in another way.  I cannot believe I am even saying (or writing) this out loud...I have....have....joined....a....second...gym!!  Holy crap!!  Two gyms?  I never thought I would stick with one gym for a year..... Now, I love Geaux Crossfit and still plan to keep going every M-W-F but I have been thinking about stepping up my cardio for awhile.  I have been running outside a couple times a week but I know that, as it gets warmer, I am no longer going to be able to convince myself to get out of bed while everyone else in my family is asleep in the air conditioned house.  Sooo...I have been thinking about all this and couldn't figure out what to do...until a Planet Fitness opened up less than a mile from my house!  It's only $10 a month and open 24 hours a day!  So my friend Kelly P. and I will be going on my Geaux Crossfit off days!  Planet Fitness is a beautiful facility and everything but there are some weird things that I am having a hard time keeping quiet about. when you walk in, there are big bowls of tootsie rolls at the front desk!  AND there are signs up all over that say "as a thank you to our member the first Monday of the month is pizza night and the second Tuesday of the month is bagel morning!"  Seriously???  So basically, they are promoting people to come in, burn some calories and then put them back on again?  On the Planet Fitness website, I found this quote:

"That's more than 1.4 million slices of pizza a year. • We hand out more than a million Tootsie Rolls every month"

And that is something to be proud of?  I am really and truly flabbergasted.  Why don't they offer free nutrition seminars once a month or some sort of Biggest Loser challenge or something...anything...other than free pizza, bagels and candy???

So I guess the moral of my story is that Planet Fitness is a GREAT deal...the machines are awesome...the hours are perfect..etc... but it is only good IF you have some will power.  Luckily, for me, I don't really like tootsie rolls.  Now if the bowls were full of peanut butter cups then I would be totally screwed.  I go in the mornings so I don't have to worry about pizza.  Bagels will be my only temptation.  We will see how it goes on Tuesday!  I hope they are tucked away in some corner and not out in the open for me to see while I am struggling through 30 minutes on the elliptical.  Thank God my Geaux Crossfit family will be waiting for me on Wednesday morning to ask if I gave in to temptation...that will make it easier to say no.

Filming with Rick Portier of WAFB!!
I have to thank Rick Portier at WAFB for taking the time to do a story on my weight loss journey.  There is no better inspiration for sticking to it (especially at restaurants... then knowing that someone might be have seen me on t.v and be watching to see what I am eating...haha..  It was
such a fun and awesome experience!!!  <3

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Days 307 - 313 aka PALEO CHALLENGE!!!

 Today is the first day of Geaux Crossfit's 30 day paleo challenge and I am feeling pumped.  These challenges always seem to come just in time...before I fall way off the eating healthy bandwagon.

Is this how cavemen cleaned
their hard boiled eggs??

Of course, Day 1 began with a breakfast meeting at Starbucks.  Between going to Geaux Crossfit in the morning and dropping off Abby at school, I knew I would show up for the meeting starving...which would either cause me to eat something non-paleo or make me very, very grumpy.  So I did what anyone would do..peeled an egg while driving and washed it off in the rain while I was at a red did the trick!  I managed to get through the meeting only consuming a hot, unsweetened tea.  Coffee is going to be the hardest thing for me during these 30 days.  I try and try but just cannot choke it down without some half and half and maybe a bit of's only Day 1 and I am already missing my morning coffee...

Back at Geaux Crossfit! 

This is week 2 of being back to Geaux Crossfit after almost a month off and I am loving's been rough (as in my body kinda feels like I got hit by a car) but I look forward to it so very much...even though some of the WODS are making me feel very aggravated.

 Seriously, it has been almost a year and I still cannot do a squat without looking like an idiot??? It makes me want to scream!! I am just not strong enough to do one without leaning forward....I wish I had counted from day 1 how many squats I've done.  The number would be really high...but not one of them is the correct form...AHHH!!! 

And to make it even more annoying, I just watched the Biggest Loser and Bob had his team to "Fran" which is the same exact WOD I did today...they just started and most of them already have better form then me...damn thrusters!!

I have decided to add planks to my workout regime - I am hoping this will help me strengthen my core so I can actually do a squat. I HATE them!!  HATE THEM!!!

fruit garnish for dinner??
Last week I attended the SMartie (social media) awards.  My blog had multiple nominations and I am very thankful!  The food at the event, though, was sooo bad - macaroni and cheese, jambalaya, fried boudin balls, meat pies, spinach artichoke dip, etc....other than some fruit and veggie garnish there was not much I could eat....seriously, I was nominated for an award because of my blog about my weight struggles and the reward for this nomination was a table full of delicious unhealthy food!!  My fellow Geaux Crossfitter Melody was right when she suggested that anyone with a weight problem stay away from can be tough! (check out Melody's blog about fitness/her weight loss story here).

Sooo..Day 1 is almost done!!  Can't wait to see wait Day 2 will bring!!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Days 285 - 307 aka back to the grind

Finally.  I am finally back into the routine.  Because of my toothpick incident and then a sinus infection, I took nearly a month off from Geaux Crossfit.  And I am amazed about how much my eating slipped as each day passed.  If anything, this break has proven that one of the most important pieces to my getting healthy puzzle is Geaux Crossfit.  I cannot do it alone....I was (barely) able to maintain my weight during my hiatus and know that I was able to start back just in time.  My Geaux Crossfit family welcomed me back with open arms and I am so very, very thankful for it.  I am positive this would have been the end of my getting healthy journey without them.

I can barely walk because my body aches from running (over 2 miles today..thanks to the encouragement of my running buddy Candace!) and the WOD on Monday and Wednesday and I am LOVING it! 

hmmm..king cake or chicken kale paleo soup..
(I chose the soup)
But seriously.....I cannot get over how often I think about food.  It is such an addiction and a mental the end of my crossfit break, I was able to rationalize eating some pretty unhealthy food.  I spent so much time thinking that I "deserve" a little treat.  I know that I should be saying I deserve to be healthy and that should be my focus but I am not going to lie and say there is no struggle.  It is an uphill battle. Every single day.  Sometimes I feel like I have to fight my urge to eat unhealthy constantly.  There is always donuts or another goodie in the staff kitchen (not to mention it is King Cake season) brought in by a very generous colleague with the best intentions, or I am running late and want to just go through a drive thru (thank God for Jimmy Johns unwich), or there is no reason.  I just want to eat something delicous and chocolate. 

I am very thankful that Geaux Crossfit is starting a strict 30-day paleo challenge on February 1.  I need it.  I like the idea of committing to 30 days of healthy, clean eating (as opposed to an entire lifetime which can be a bit daunting) and love the support of the many other people doing it.  This is going to be the most strict I have been - we are following the Whole 30 challenge.  Between that and the fact that I am going to run in my first official 5k in 45 days (check out my page), I think I have the motivation I need to lose the 15 pounds I need to reach 100 pounds lost!!  And if that's not enough, I can always count on my fabulous trainer Amber to keep me focused.....

So tomorrow's a new day.  Full of food battles.....and I just have to wake up every day promising myself to fight the good fight and hope I win!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Days 266 - 284 aka outta commission aka time to face the new years resolution

I knew the holidays were going to be hard and I felt like I had really prepared for them mentally.  But my struggle seems to be with the unexpected.  I am not proud of my eating during the last week or fact, I am pretty disgusted.

Poor, sick Abby
I started this holiday break really strongly.  On Friday, December 23 I got up early and, with Kelly Ps support, I ran a 5k..which is about 9 times around the path of the park in my subdivision.  I have such a love/hate relationship with running....I seem to be leaning more towards love lately...

For Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I was pretty proud of my eating.  Aside from some delicious chocolate I stuck to some not so bad eating.  Then my four year old, Abigail got sick - fever, cough, congestion.  It has resulted in about a week of very little sleep for me.  Poor Abigail is up every hour or so and has been suffering from some major nose bleeds.  I am either up with her helping her through a coughing spell or I am up checking to make sure she is okay....It's totally not rational....and a lot of my fear for her health during the night is a result of me watching too much Breaking Bad....I am so afraid Abigail will have a bad reaction to the cough medicine she has been prescribed....

Toothpick Injury
So, I am overtired and already struggling with what I am eating. My fridge is full of not so healthy holiday leftovers that I cannot seem to make myself throw away.... then, when I think that I have it all under control, I get an injury that has kept me from exercising.  Somehow, I managed to get a toothpick stuck in my foot so bad, it required a trip to the emergency room where a doctor had to dig it out with a scalpel and then stitch the whole thing up.  I can't even put a shoe on....

not so Happy New Year!!
From my experience I know that my cleanest eating days are on the same day that I go to Geaux Crossfit.  If I thought my eating was bad before...this lack of sleep, stress from a sick child, and injured foot sent me in a downward spiral that I have not experienced since I began this journey 284 days ago.  Feeling tired and depressed is not the equation to living a healthy lifestyle.

Thank God for my family though.  They know just what I need to get refocused - some competition.  My brother, sister in law, mother, father, husband and I started a weight loss challenge today until Valentines Day....the person that loses the most weight gets some cash and bragging rights....I am such a competitive person.....I will do what it takes to win.  Or, at least, not come in last.  I will stay off my foot like the doctor has recommended until I can exercise again.  But starting today, I will return to the Paleo diet in full force. 

80 pounds lost - finally remembered to share photo!
 2012 did not begin the way I had hoped....there were no fireworks or resolutions.....I rang in the new year with my foot bandaged, holding my sick daughter and feeling sorry for myself.  I think I deserve a do over.  It is time to evaluate my life and choose some resolutions:

1. Eating  goals - I will work to put an end to my emotional eating.  If I am eating something that I am ashamed of or don't want anyone to know about, I will put it down and walk away.  I will eat clean, healthy goals and take the time to make sure I'm prepared.

2. Exercise goals - by the end of this year, I will be able to do 10 girl push ups, run a 5k in less than 30 minutes, do squats in perfect form - back, front, overhead, all of them. Just one pull up would make me so I will continue to go down in bands until I no longer need them.

3. Mental goals - I will try really hard to celebrate my accomplishments and not just focus on the next goal. 

4. Weight loss goals - I will continue to lose weight so that, by the end of 2012 I will have lost a total of 131 pounds....I am at about 80 now so that's a little over 50 to lose in 2012!