Days 241 - 246 aka Complete Disappointment

Today I let myself down.  And my family down.  And Amber down.  I am so incredibly disappointed.....

Post Cheat Disappointment (and headache)

I had a great Paleo Thanksgiving and family weekend.  I was so proud of myself -  I felt great and strong and healthy.  Then Lucas got sick and Jason got sick and Abby got sick.  I had a huge list of things I planned to do during this long weekend and life got in the way....I didn't have a chance to go grocery shopping or prepare paleo meals.  This morning I got a call from my dad letting me know that my mum had to go to the hospital - she got the stomach virus that we had all had and it hit her harder then everyone else.  (shes back home and feeling much better now).  My dad asked if I could come and relieve him so he could get some rest.  I went right there without thinking about grabbing some snack items. After a few hours I was starving and tried the hospital cafeteria - the choices were fried chicken, onion rings, french fries or pizza.  I knew that would make me sick so I got a coffee and headed back to my mum's room.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted and starving.  Since there was no food in the house (Sunday mornings are my usual grocery shopping time) Jason ordered some pizza for him and the kids. 

It has been 8 months since I have sat down and intentionally ate a plate full of carbs.  But I just caved.  I ate the pizza.  And not just one slice....I ate some and went back for seconds.  It wasn't even that great.  But I was stressed and tired and, I guess, looking for some comfort food....I fell back into my bad eating habits just like that. 

I forgot about the bad headaches I used to get....I wasn't even finished eating and I was already feeling the consequences.  Even now, hours later, my head still feels like it is going to explode.  So basically being weak and caving in to the temptation ruined me for the rest of the day.  I was short tempered with the kids because I didn't feel good and I still didn't prepare for the week the way I should have.

I know it is all a learning experience and I will move on and blah blah blah...but the truth is. ...I am scared.  What's going to happen the next time I am in a stressful situation?  This all just reconfirms my feelings about food being an addiction.  I fell off the wagon and am terrified about how easy it was for me to justify the cheat to myself....it was a rough day...But the thing is,  there is no justification.  I had a moment of weakness and the food, along with some old habits, won.

It is the time we are supposed to be giving thanks.  I am thankful that tomorrow is almost today.  I am ready to be done with this day, pick up the pieces, and start over.

Days 229 - 240... AKA Did I Really Do That? AKA WEIGH IN (x2)

It is Monday and I am still flying high about my Friday at Geaux Crossfit....I catch myself sitting at my desk with a goofy smile just thinking about it......

Thanks to the tremendous support I receive from my crossfit family, I ran a 5K!!!  I cannot believe it!  How is that even possible?  I am a non-runner!  Just 8 months ago, I couldn't even run around the building!!  I have to admit, I didn't think I was going to make it.  Towards the end, my legs didn't want to move, by the last 1/2 mile they felt like lead sinkers.  I never NEVER thought that running over 3 miles would be something I would do....

THANK YOU FLEET FEET!!!

Although I am getting closer, I still do not feel like a runner (or any sort of athlete).  A few weeks ago, my feet started aching and I knew it was time to invest in some real running shoes.  I am not going to lie, I was nervous to go to a "real" running store.  I was afraid that, when I walked in, everyone would stop what they were doing and look at me in a way that would make me feel like a fraud.  I do not look like an athlete....I especially do not have the slender build of a seasoned runner.  I didn't want the employees to roll their eyes at each other when I announced that I needed running shoes.  At the urging of Amber, I worked up the courage to go to Fleet Feet.  After some minor hyperventilating in my car I, with the support of my mother, walked through the doors.  The reception I feared could not have been further from the truth.  The staff there were 100% helpful and committed to finding the right shoe for me.  After trying on pretty much every shoe in the store (many I tried on 2-3 times), I had narrowed it down to two different pairs.  The person helping me suggested that I try to run on the treadmill they have with each of them to see which one feels better.  I had to gulp down my fear of running in public and hop on.  And guess what?  It was not bad at all.  In fact, the whole experience was AMAZING!  I cannot say enough about the people that work at Fleet Feet.  They made me feel completely comfortable during this process.  And my wonderful new sneakers (Brooks Ghost) are so light and comfortable...great for the 5k.

A MUST DO - rolling out my muscles

This 5k actually came at a perfect time.  The week before was a hard one for me.  On Monday and Wednesday, I met Amber before my WOD to do some pretty major cardio - sprinting and rowing.  When I tried to do it again on that Friday, my legs cramped and I couldn't do it.  I really was devastated.  I know it is because I wasn't taking care of myself when I got home - finding the time to leave home and even go to the gym with a husband, two children under the age of five, a full time job, two dogs, and a cat...it is not easy.  Finding the time to stretch and soak my legs at night is almost impossible.  I know now, though, that is not a frivolous "extra" task.  (see Amber...I DO listen to you...haha) If I don't do it, I will injure myself.  I have to say, this "journey" to a healthy   me can be pretty time consuming!

Amber, as always, said exactly what I needed to hear to help me through my frustration.  She said "you are officially an athlete."   That one remark got me through the healing process (and a nasty stomach virus) so just one week later I could run the 5k!!

Okay, so as if that isn't exciting enough, I have now had two weigh ins since the Geaux Crossfit Paleo Challenge has started......and...I have lost 9 more pounds!  That is a total of 79 pounds!!  WOOOO HOOO!!

Hopefully reaching 80 will be enough incentive to keep me on track during Thanksgiving..............

Want to know what I've been eating? Check out my food log at: http://www.geauxcrossfit.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/120/

Days 223 - 228 aka Amber is Killing Me (while saving my life)

The paleo challenge at my gym, Geaux Crossfit, started Monday.  I am surprised about how many people signed on since it is going through the end of December.  I feel like there is something about a challenge like this that unifies the gym....I am so excited!!!

Breakfast

With Amber's guidance, I have been really thinking about what I eat for the last three days.  Before that, I would think more in terms of the paleo diet and, more specifically, gluten free.  Now I am logging everything into Livestrong.com so I can get a clearer picture of what I am consuming.  My goal is to eat about 40%protein, 30% carbs and 30% fat each day.   The Livestrong website creates a pie graph to see my percentages....on Monday, I was way off - I just ate what I normally would eat (paleo) and it was way high in fat......I am slowly getting the hang of it though.  I have about 2 months to figure it out!  haha

Starting this Monday, my workout routine has changed a lot too.  Seriously.  Amber is pushing me further than I ever thought I could go.  I am so thankful for her.  She is giving me the confidence I need to become the athlete I never thought I would become.  Before Geaux Crossfit I can honestly say that I never thought I could be athletic.....I really think that if it wasn't for them that thought would be true.....I would have missed out on this opportunity.  It is life changing...

Increased Exercise=Exhaustion

So here is how my workouts have changed:
Amber met me on Monday 30 minutes before my WOD.  She had me do 10 50-meter sprints with a short break between each one.  I have never really tried to run fast before.  It felt really good!  Then today, WOW...today was brutal.  The entire morning workout (pre-wod and wod) was one that I have referred to before as "criers".  I don't know why...but every once in awhile an hour at Crossfit truly brings me to tears...I never thought exercise could be so emotional.  So here is what I did (along with my running buddy Candace):  We started by doing 10 100-meter rows with 30 second rests in between.  Then we did 5 200-meter rows with 30 second rests in between.  Then we rested for 3 minutes before doing 1 500-meter row.  That was all done BEFORE the WOD.  I almost didn't make it through...but Amber pushed me and I did it!!  The WOD today was a tough one...when I read it on Geaux Crossfit's website I knew I would hate it.  Why?  Because it involved the dreaded bear crawl.  The bear crawl is one of those things that can be terrifying if you have even a questionable relationship with your body image.....there is nothing pretty about it.  In my head, I was trying desperately to think of excuses to not do it - my back hurt, I felt like I was going to puke, etc.  But I knew I had to suck it up and just do it.  We had to go the length of the gym and then back again for a total of 5 times during the WOD.  The first time, I tried to cut off a few steps and turn around to head back before I got to the end.  Amber called me on it and said exactly what I needed to hear: "don't cheat yourself bethany."  How true is that?  I am up and out of my house...away from my kids and my husband..and I am going to cheat myself by not doing the exercise?  That is ridiculous of me....so I did it.  I had to stop for a few seconds here and there but I did it.  And I could leave the gym feeling like the time spent away from my family was worth it....

But I am exhausted.  My body aches.  I can barely walk.  It is (maybe besides childbirth) the best, most rewarding pain in the world.  How many people do I know have honestly pushed themselves to their limit physically?  I don't think it is something you can do by yourself.  You need your cheerleader.  Or, in my case, a whole gym full of cheerleaders.  Because when I was the last person still doing my WOD everyone was not commenting on how stupid I looked doing the bear crawl.  They were cheering me on to the finish line.

Getting Ready for Family Photos

And last night, I had one of those moments that makes all of this worth it.  Jason, the kids and I had our family portraits done.  Normally, just the kids would be in the photos...but this year I wanted to be part of it!  For the first time in a long time I really did feel beautiful.  I felt strong and confidant...and I think the pictures reflect that.  I got to wear my grandma's necklace that did not fit around my neck before I started my paleo journey.  I was so happy with the photos that I had them made into cards and bought enough to send one to pretty much everyone I know!  haha!!

Want to know what I've been eating? Check out my food log at: http://www.geauxcrossfit.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/120/

Days 215 - 223...aka...Forever Grateful

Temptation at Work

Well, once again I felt myself slipping of this slippery slope....going back to some of my bad habits.  And then, once again, Geaux Crossfit came to the rescue.  It's getting to be the holiday season - a time for indulgence.  But my Geaux Crossfit family has still stepped up (more than I can ever imagine) to support me.


Below is an excerpt from the Geaux Crossfit website from October 31:

We are going to start our Paleo challenge November 7.  This challenge is different from the others because it is not just one month.  It’s all the way until December 31.  Bethany is only 30 pounds away from finishing her journey of losing 100 pounds, so lets show support by joining in on the challenge.  Get pumped Bethany!  We are going to blow that 100 out the water!

Temptation at Home

That's right....my gym is rallying together to help me get off of this weight loss plateau and reach my goal.  How absolutely amazing is that?  So on Monday, I am going strict once again.  Amber is helping me eat better by not just eating paleo, but also thinking more about the amount of protein/fat/carbs I am consuming.  I know there will be many temptations during the holidays but I am determined to not overindulge.  I am also going to try hard to up my fitness routine.  Geaux Crossfit's commitment to me has helped me refocus.  I will reach my goal.  And when I do, I will set a new goal and reach that one too.

Thats the thing about Crossfit.  It makes me strive for things that, until now, I have always thought were unattainable.  It is not only about fitness.  Mentally and emotionally, I feel stronger than I ever have before.  I know my mind keeps going back to the same thought....how can I be so lucky to have Geaux Crossfit in my life?  I didn't know what a life changer it would be when I first opened those doors...and I am forever thankful.

I am stronger then temptation!

In addition to my weight loss goal, I have a fitness goal - to run a 5k by December 24.  I have never been a runner...the thought that this could be a reality is unbelievable to me.  And what a great Christmas present it would be for myself!