Sunday, November 27, 2011

Days 241 - 246 aka Complete Disappointment

Today I let myself down.  And my family down.  And Amber down.  I am so incredibly disappointed.....

Post Cheat Disappointment (and headache)
I had a great Paleo Thanksgiving and family weekend.  I was so proud of myself -  I felt great and strong and healthy.  Then Lucas got sick and Jason got sick and Abby got sick.  I had a huge list of things I planned to do during this long weekend and life got in the way....I didn't have a chance to go grocery shopping or prepare paleo meals.  This morning I got a call from my dad letting me know that my mum had to go to the hospital - she got the stomach virus that we had all had and it hit her harder then everyone else.  (shes back home and feeling much better now).  My dad asked if I could come and relieve him so he could get some rest.  I went right there without thinking about grabbing some snack items. After a few hours I was starving and tried the hospital cafeteria - the choices were fried chicken, onion rings, french fries or pizza.  I knew that would make me sick so I got a coffee and headed back to my mum's room.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted and starving.  Since there was no food in the house (Sunday mornings are my usual grocery shopping time) Jason ordered some pizza for him and the kids. 

It has been 8 months since I have sat down and intentionally ate a plate full of carbs.  But I just caved.  I ate the pizza.  And not just one slice....I ate some and went back for seconds.  It wasn't even that great.  But I was stressed and tired and, I guess, looking for some comfort food....I fell back into my bad eating habits just like that. 

I forgot about the bad headaches I used to get....I wasn't even finished eating and I was already feeling the consequences.  Even now, hours later, my head still feels like it is going to explode.  So basically being weak and caving in to the temptation ruined me for the rest of the day.  I was short tempered with the kids because I didn't feel good and I still didn't prepare for the week the way I should have.

I know it is all a learning experience and I will move on and blah blah blah...but the truth is. ...I am scared.  What's going to happen the next time I am in a stressful situation?  This all just reconfirms my feelings about food being an addiction.  I fell off the wagon and am terrified about how easy it was for me to justify the cheat to was a rough day...But the thing is,  there is no justification.  I had a moment of weakness and the food, along with some old habits, won.

It is the time we are supposed to be giving thanks.  I am thankful that tomorrow is almost today.  I am ready to be done with this day, pick up the pieces, and start over.


  1. Bethany, don't be so hard on yourself! Every now and then you need a cheat day. As long as its just a day ir two, it wont be as bad as you think! Sometimes when I cheat, my diet seems to work better after, kinda like it recharges your body to lose some more weight. Don't beat yourself up, your doing fine. Just do the 50 burpee penalty and it will all be ok! Hold your head up and be thankful for being healthy!

  2. Beth Ann you are being far to hard on yourself. Yes, yesterday was stressful, but it's not like you embraced the pizza, headache, sick feeling and thought "this is awesome, I'm going to keep eating like this." You love your new way of life: eating paleo and working out like a demon and you feel so much better because of it. Life throws curve balls and you've learned no matter how stressful, make sure you've got some nuts in your purse. : )

  3. Beth, you are not a robot. Things happen. You should be celebrating the successes you have so far. Then you can cheer yourself on going forward. Be proud of what you have accomplished and keep on going!