Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Year 2, Days 2 - 16 aka its a battle

preparing for another
week of paleo
I haven't really been talking about it much, but I am not very motivated about my diet/eating paleo.  I have actually been feeling like I am living life as a fraud - people come up to me and tell me that my story is motivating to them...I want to stop them to tell them that I am the one that needs the motivation.  I am sick of it all...why does my relationship with food have to be so difficult?  It's been over a year and food is still such a struggle for me.  Sometime I watch the show Intervention and think that I could be on it...only my drug of choice is food.  I understand when the alcoholic talks about their first thought the moment they wake up is when they will get to have their first drink....sometimes I am not even out of bed and I am already struggling with what I will eat that day. 

eating grapefruit = no risk
When I am eating paleo I seriously feel so much better - my energy, my stomach, my workouts, even my spirit are all better.  But that is not always enough motivation.  Sometimes I just don't want to care or have to think about it anymore....I think this is really when the addiction comes in.  I like to think I would never do anything that I know would seriously harm myself.  I have never lived my life as a big risk taker - skydiving?  not interested.  Bungee jumping? nope.  What about swimming with sharks?  Not a chance.  But poisoning myself by eating foods that will not only cause me eventual harm - diabetes, cholesterol issues but will also just generally make me feel like shit after I eat them...that is something I could do...even something I sometimes want to do.  I am actually scared to go into a drug store right now because I know Easter candy is going to be on sale.  I don't think I could walk by and not buy some. I feel a bit pathetic that I don't have that will power... Thank God they have pharmacy drive thrus!

Driving by Walgreens...
I cannot stress enough how big of a role Geaux Crossfit plays into my success in my quest to become healthy.   This morning Amber (once again) gave me some advice and words of encouragement that I think will help me through this most recent struggle.  She told me that no one is meant to live their life on a 30 day challenge..which is what I have been doing recently.  I need to find my healthy eating balance and work with that.  I know it sounds so simple but they are the words I needed to hear.  Sometimes I can get so bogged down with the guilt of feeling like a fraud that it makes me want to stop fighting for my health.

Friday night p-a-r-t-y ! !
 For the first time in a very long time, I went out on Friday night (without the kids!!) and took a deep breath  and relaxed.  It took some major coaxing from Amber but I did it.  Spending time with the Geaux Crossfit family outside of the gym seems to be almost as important of spending it in the gym.   I would consider most of them acquaintances at best..but I have to say they are an amazing support system.  I hope that anyone who decides to get healthy can find a group of people as kind and supporting to lift you up when you need it and to celebrate your victories.  I am so incredibly thankful!


  1. I have started paleoish eating about a month ago. I am seriously considering crossfit, which is insane to me because I hated gym class. But I love encouragement, and I like not being bored, and I like community... so maybe it will work. Your blog is the only thing that makes me think this could work for me.

  2. You should absolutely give it a try! You won't regret it.