And the Journey Begins........

I have been overweight for my entire adult life.  Like many, I have tried pretty much every weight loss plan out there....some work for awhile but none have ever really felt like a "lifestyle" change no matter what their advertisements say.  They have always been a diet that eventually ends.

I have thought about weight loss surgery but really believe I can do it without going so extreme.  I mean...I love to eat and if I had surgery that only allowed me a teaspoon or so of food every few hours I think I would lose my mind.

Sooo...I have been thinking about coming up with a weight loss plan for awhile.  Then, I ended up running into my old personal trainer back when my daughter was just about 1 (shes four now).  Catherine was the best trainer - she really respected me but was firm with my workouts.  I was so scared the first time we met, I actually burst into tears.  I was embarrassed by myself then and to be measured and weighed by this beautiful goddess....it was about enough to make me curl into fetal position.  But working with Catherine ended up being a really amazing experience.  For the first time in my life I felt strong.  I had more energy.  I enjoyed going to the gym.  But then, as always, life got in the way.  Catherine left to work at another gym.  I became pregnant with my son (who is now almost 2) and my time going to the gym was over.

Last weekend though, I ran into Catherine at Albertsons.  Of course, when I saw her, the first thing I did was look in my cart and try to casually put my arm over the brownie mix I got to make later that evening...luckily I hadn't stopped by the ice cream aisle yet..... :(

We started talking and she told me great news - she is working at a new and innovative gym in Baton Rouge!  I decided to check it out.  I went to their website and what did I see?  All amazingly fit people working out.  I went through the photo gallery...there was one group shot that was a little blurry.  I convinced myself that one woman standing in the back was perhaps a little overweight......

I guess we will see.  Tonight is my first meeting with Catherine at the new gym.  I have decided to be okay with being the fattest person working out....I am determined to not let it get to me.

Here's the thing.... my daughter Abby is four and my son Lucas is going to be two soon.  Right now, they don't realize their mom is fat.  They aren't totally embarrassed by me.  My daughter doesn't complain that, when she does her sit ups for gymnastics class, I cannot do them with her.  She was having a hard time understanding what a sit up should look like and I had to go to the bathroom and cry because I felt guilty for not being able to show her.  Sometimes my back aches and I cannot hold my son for as long as I would like...I could go on and on.... I only have a short amount of time before they will understand body image.  Obesity is a childhood epedemic.  As a loving mother, it is my responsibility to do all that I can to prevent my children from being overweight.  I turn my nose up at parents that smoke cigarettes...how do they expect to explain to their children that smoking is bad if they do it themselves?  Well....I am now realizing that I can be added to that equation.  How can I tell my kids the importance of eating healthy foods when I am heavier than I have ever been - heavier than when I was 9 months pregnant.

So, Catherine...I hope you and your gym filled with skinny, muscle toned, tanned (why is it that they are always tan when us fatties are always so pale and pasty looking??) is ready for me.  Because I am ready for you.  umm..I think.