Saturday, March 19, 2011

I Love My Family More Than a Chocolate Frosted Donut

My husband and son
Today was a great day in many ways but it was also emotionally exhausting.  Let's start with the great - I got to spend the majority of the day with my family and friends at the St. Patty's Day parade.  The weather was perfect, the kids had lots of fun, and we caught some great throws.

Here is the emotionally exhausting part.....when you're fat, you are constantly gaging everyone else's physique - are they skinny, are they fat, are you the fattest person at the parade...that stuff is pretty much always going through your mind.  I wonder if other people (i.e. not overweight) have the same kind of thoughts... So, because of my new commitment to changing my life, I have my body image on the brain even more.... I wish I could have held a sign or made a t-shirt that explained the fact that I am about to embark on a journey....don't discount me as a typical fat person just yet....wait and see.....but I couldn't.  Instead, I had the same unease about my body image..especially around my children.  Are people judging me as a parent or as a wife based on weight?  Do people feel bad for my husband?  Do they look at me the same way I look at parents who smoke?

Of course all of this is going through my head but, and here is that disconnect I keep mentioning, I still managed to eat a delicious, just out of the oven donut.  Here's the thing about donuts...I know they are going to make me feel like crap.  I never feel good after I eat a donut.  I don't know if it is because I no longer have a gallbladder but they just tear my stomach apart.  So, I ate one - knowing: a. I am already feeling like a big green beached whale at the parade and b. as soon as I am done eating it, I will feel have cramps and feel like my stomach is going to explode.  My friends, Jason, and I even kinda laughed at it.  Jason took a photo documenting it and said it would be a good one to put on this blog. He's right.  I am not going to pretend that I am 100% on board for this big lifestyle change and think it is going to be smooth sailing.  I think it is going to suck.  The person at Geaux CrossFit that talked to me about nutrition mentioned her troubles with withdrawal from sugar when she switched to the Paleo diet.  And this is coming from a perfect bodied - toned, thin, and tan - trainer.  I am ready to fight this uphill battle.  I am addicted to food - sugar, fat, carbs, etc.... and I am going cold turkey in a little more than 24 hours.  So, if you happen to see me the next couple weeks and I seem a little grumpy you will know why - I am facing my demons head on in the hopes to become a healthier and stronger me.

My daughter
I do want to officially thank Geaux CrossFit for mentioning me and my journey on their website and Facebook page.  It certainly makes a girl more accountable for herself when she knows pretty much everyone around her is reading along as the story unfolds.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Bethany!

    It's Amber ( the other female trainer at GCF). Just wanted to say keep up the good work! What you are doing is awesome.